Counselling - In Her Own Words

While I sat with my mother in her hospital room, witnessing her body shutting down from the cancer in her kidneys, she confided that she had many regrets and unfulfilled dreams. My mother succumbed to her cancer only a few weeks after that conversation. Losing the most important person in my life made me realize that, when my time comes to leave this mortal realm, I didn't want to look back at my life with regret or disappointment.

Like most women, I have survived trauma and, I knew that to heal, I was going to need help. I've been to see therapists off and on throughout my life but had not been able to have any continuity due to financial constraints. I mentioned this to a counsellor friend of mine and she recommended an organization that provides low-cost, online counselling. I was hesitant to contact them because what if I was paired with a counsellor with whom I didn't get along? What if they secretly thought my problems were not worth their time and counsel? What if they didn't understand my humour? What if they didn't "get” me? Finally, one day during my lunchbreak, in a surge of faith, I submitted my request to be matched with a counsellor who was familiar with my specific issues. I was sent a short list of candidates from which I picked one whose biography spoke to me. Her name is Vee.

Meeting a counsellor is just like meeting any one new. I made sure I looked good, I put on a big smile, and when we both joined the Zoom link and the cameras went on, we started to get to know each other. Vee told me where she’d gone to school and what forms of therapy she practiced. She told me that everything we discussed would be held in strict confidentiality unless she knew that I intended to harm myself or someone else. She also confirmed that nothing I could say would be “too much” or shock her. Finally, she asked me what my goal from counselling was. For my part, I gave her a condensed version of why I decided to start counselling at that point in my life. I also told her that I knew myself well enough to know that I wouldn't do any homework like breathing exercises or journaling prompts.

That was almost two years ago. We’ve been meeting once a week almost without fail since then. Vee starts every session by saying, “And how are you feeling today?” Some weeks, I can't wait to tell her something that is going on in my life. Sometimes, after I've told her a specific story, she’ll say, “And how do you feel about that?” I have wept, sobbed, raged, laughed, and remembered with Vee. During some sessions, I have such bright epiphanies that my life has been irrevocably changed. Some sessions leave me wrung out and all I can do for the rest of the day is lay on the couch. Vee is always present and open to my emotions and experiences without judgement and makes it very safe for me to express myself. I've not once felt like I need to be ashamed of what I'm revealing to her.

The benefits of counselling have been numerous. I can honestly say that counselling has been the best thing I've given myself these last couple of years. I'm proud of the woman that I've become and continue to grow into. I know myself and how I relate to my environment better. I'm able to be honest with those around me about how I need to be treated and this, in turn, has boosted my self-worth. When Vee asked me during our first session what my goal from counselling was, I answered that I wanted to learn to respond to instead of reacting to situations. She reminded me of that a few weeks ago and told me how proud she was that I had achieved that goal and was continuing to live it. Being able to respond instead of reacting has helped me to ask for what I need in my marriage, parent my children in a more loving, inclusive manner, and given me the courage to advocate for others who don't have a voice. I am healing from generational trauma, and I am breaking the cycle of abuse. It is hard work, and it is so worth it!

Thank you to my friend who wrote this poignant and very vulnerable blog sharing her experience. I appreciate and am very thankful for you.